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Trading Spaces » Humor » Falsely Answered Questions

» Falsely Answered Questions

Note: This section is entirely satirical and is NOT to be taken seriously or meant to offend anyone. If you have any ideas for questions just email me with them.

1. How many Captain Marvel series have there been?

I hate to start off answering your questions this way, but THERE'S ONLY BEEN ONE FRICKING CAPTAIN MARVEL SERIES. Jeez people, get a clue.

2. And what about all these other Captain Marvels I've been hearing about?

Clones. Evil twin clone future selves from alternate realities to be more exact.

3. Why is it "captain"? Why not general or lieutenant?

On to question 4.

4. Why does his skin go starry?

It doesn't. One time the colorist ran out of every color ink except for dark blue with only Captain Marvel left to color. So rather than go ask for some new ink (he had been reprimanded for this once before) he colored Genis a dark blue and then added the stars for some flair. He was exiled to the horrible land of Bermuda for this and, in a show of support for their comrade-in-colors, every colorist since has colored Captain Marvel's skin this way in defiance of Marvel. Sadly, they too were exiled to Bermuda where they were never heard from again.

5. What's this "Titanian super-science"?

Exactly what it says it is. Titanian. Super. Science.

6. I see, and "science"?

The subject of the degrees of people who actually wanna do something with their lives (as opposed to people who study arts at university).

7. Why is Moondragon bald?

The answer to this question is two-fold; the first part I can't answer because it has something to do with the original (and shortly-lived) adult nature of the title but the second part has to do with old people. You see, Marvel realized that old people had money and wanted to make comics appeal to them so they created someone the old people could connect with; someone bald. And since old women have more money than old men, they made this bald person a woman to appeal to them. Brilliant marketing strategy when you think about it.

8. Who is Bill Jemas?

A figment of your imagination.

9. Why does Rick look latino now?

Another part of Marvel's marketing strategy to appeal to other social groups. Incidentally, he was turned old to help boost sales in the old people market.

10. Why is Al's full name Alice?

His mom and dad were really big fans of that "Boy Named Sue" song, so much so that they named his older brother Sue, him Alice, and his younger sister George.

11. Why are you doing this?

Anything to keep from working on the issue database.

12. Who is Stan Lee?

First of all, it's "Stanley" not "Stan Lee." And Stanley's last name is "Cup" and he is awarded annually to the NHL team that wins the playoffs.

13. Since DC has a Captain Marvel, why doesn't Marvel have a Captain DC?

"Captain DC" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

14. Why Nega-Bands? Why not Nega-Shoes or Nega-Earrings?

What if the bearers didn't have the same shoe size? Ever think of that smart guy? And as for nega-earrings, the logistics of banging them together are too complicated.

15. What does the 'M' in Captain Marvel stand for?

Nothing, it's how you spell his name dumb-ass!

16. And the 'C'?

See previous answer.

17. What's the Microverse?

A giant Micro Machines playset that was available at participating Toys 'R' Us stores during the summer of 1989.

18. What's the Negative Zone?

All the numbers less than 0.

19. Who's the Kree Supreme Intelligence?

A being that knows all the digits of pie.

20. Why is the series being relaunched?

Phase One of a breed of super-intelligent monkeys' plan to take over the world.

21. What's the Death Wish?

Something that the prison system gives to criminals who are about to be executed. Y'know, like eating a favorite meal, or watching a movie. Personally, if I were ever in that situation, I'd asked them not to kill me.

22. Soooooo, is there a "Birth Wish"?

Yes. Yes there is.

Trading Spaces is created and maintained by Louis Digout. Captain Marvel, and the distinctive likeness(es) thereof are Trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. and are used without permission. All original content copyright 2002 Louis Digout.